I am not a good friend, I know this. I will listen to you, I will help you. I will go out of my way for you, I will dry your tears. I will empower you, I will give you all the hope you need to move forward, and hold you up as you do so. I will pick you up when you fall, And I will help fix your pain when you rise.
What I won’t do is, talk down to you , I won’t discourage you, I won’t belittle you. I also won’t give you any of my woe and sorrow.
That last part is what makes me a bad friend.
I have learned that in order to be a good friend one needs to share with the other. Talk and give of your emotional health to your friend. Share with them so they can see that you do have emotions and that you’re capable of being vulnerable. No one can do it all by themselves, believe me I have tried.
But for me it is very difficult to give that part of me out to just anyone, and for that I am truly sorry. I do value you, I do respect you I think you’re amazing. You deserve better, But after a life of let downs and disappointments , I have built a fence that can not be scaled. I simply refuse to let anyone in. Maybe one day I will open my gate and let the right person in , but until then I will to live in the dark and in an emotional void.
So I move forward in my quest to find myself and open my heart to let in or out the heart that so many are willing to give. Maybe if I can do that I will be able to actually live.