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Not a Good Friend,

I am not a good friend, I know this. I will listen to you, I will help you. I will go out of my way for you, I will dry your tears. I will empower you, I will give you all the hope you need to move forward, and hold you up as you do so. I will pick you up when you fall, And I will help fix your pain when you rise.

What I won’t do is, talk down to you , I won’t discourage you, I won’t belittle you. I also won’t give you any of my woe and sorrow.

That last part is what makes me  a bad friend.

 I have learned that in order to be a good friend one needs to share with the other.  Talk and give of your emotional health to your friend. Share with them so they can see that you do have emotions and that you’re capable of being vulnerable. No one can do it all by themselves, believe me I have tried. 

But for me it is very difficult to give that part of me out to just anyone, and for that I am truly sorry.  I do value you, I do respect you I think you’re amazing. You deserve better, But after a life of  let downs and disappointments , I have built a fence that can not be scaled. I simply refuse to let anyone in. Maybe one day I will open my gate and let the right person in , but until then I will to live in the dark and in an emotional void.

So I move forward in my quest to find myself and open my heart to let in or out the heart that so many are willing to give. Maybe if I can do that I will be able to actually live.



A beautiful woman alone she waits Gasp I gulp my breath escapes Her eyes bright like stars in the night Smolder as they do, the look is just right Her skin hot to the touch Soft, smooth, I have los…

Source: Heaven,

Child love


I sit and wonder what real love feels like, Do any of us truly know the feeling that we search for? I remember when I was a child hearing the word love, looking at the person saying it and just hearing the word not knowing the real meaning. I know as a child we all think we know what it means but it is not until we are older that we can actually feel it and know what it really means to feel and give love. Sitting on the front porch waiting for the woman who says she is my mother and tells me she loves me but she never shows, looking at the woman who now is  the mother in my life tell me she loves me ,but me not feeling it. We go through life,all of us we all want the same thing we want to feel it…

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Soul etching

images-2The fire of a woman is strong to the soul

My desire for her make the clouds roll

The sun can’t contain the burning within

Things I want to do are surly a sin

Us as one together we make

Soon my heart this pounding will make

 Slow is the time that lust will devour

The two of us in a love drenched shower

We roll we spin we sweat, the heat

Our completeness of love is beginning to complete

One we are, by far this dream

Just one man’s thoughts and one woman’s dreams.

MY style,

Nothing better than riding low and slow


Let’s talk about Bullying.

Today I am sitting here thinking about people, myself, life, and all the situations we fall into during our brief stay here on this planet. Why is it that some people feel so angry and sad that they knowingly choose to hurt others in any way possible?  What is it? Somehow degrading or hurting others physically makes the bully feel better about their pathetic life, even for just a short time? Usually when this is happening nobody see the pain that this person is going through. Why should we? They are hurting us, who cares about their feelings.

Ironically this is the part of the equation that keeps the proverbial ball rolling. We need to as the one getting hurt to somehow stand up for ourselves. Maybe turn the tables a little. Somehow stop the cycle, because the aggressor surly is not going to stop.

I know that as a person getting bullied the very idea of standing up in a situation like this sounds like a nightmare. I am not by any means saying that you need to do anything that might further the aggression from the bully. I think that by learning more about ourselves and how we are made up, that we can grow stronger and somehow fight the urge to let this person do this to us again.

We all have a spot in life that we need to fill. We all have a purpose .

I know growing up I had it rough, I know, I know, we all do. Some more than others. But It was rough for me because I was the forgotten child. There were older siblings and one much younger, so I was just forgotten. My parents divorced when I was very young, so they just had other things to do besides deal with me.

I was bullied, I was beaten, I was subjected to corpor alpunishment. I was sexualy abused by my neighbor. I was in trouble with the law on numerous occasions. Sent to a group home for a year, I spent time in a foster home. So I am telling you this so you know that I understand. I know it sucks. But until we stand up for ourselves this merry-go-round will not stop, and maybe on this ride the one doing the aggressive behavior might just see what they are doing. Maybe start to feel like a real person and stop hurting others.

Bullying comes in all shapes and sizes and from the most unlikely of places. Parents are guilty of it as well. Do let the idea that they are you parents and you should respect them. They need to respect you and your voice. You are after all a grown person.

Remember life is hard and you deserve to be happy, loved, respected. Don’t let anyone take that from you. You have a place on this earth and without you some part of life might not happen.

To all the bullies out there, you need to look deep inside and try and see what is really hurting. Fix it. Maybe you bully because it happened to you and it is all you know. But you are smart and you know it is wrong. Stop it and ask the person you hurting for some forgiveness. You may not get any, but it sends a message to the one you hurt that you are learning and trying to change.

Stop, think, learn.

Sun shines 

The sun shines, the day begins 

Warm it brings, my thoughts set in 

Drops of water on the naked leaf 

Glorious beauty, my disbelief 

Scents fill the air I gasp 

GOD has given me hope at last 

My thoughts open and feelings wake up 

Not a fantasy this dream made up

Slowly I stroll to the window and gaze 

My journey this life, to me a maze 

The map is given to me with hope 

My emotions that be will soon elope 

I break the seal the lock I break 

Now I feel my breath escape 

Thank you morning sun

I am in aw my mouth agape 

Life I breath in 

Let my day begin 



A beautiful woman alone she waits

Gasp I gulp my breath escapes

Her eyes bright like stars in the night

Smolder as they do, the look is just right

Her skin hot to the touch

Soft, smooth, I have lost control it is too much

She moves to me, gracefully she glides

Our hearts are pounding like together in stride

Across the room together we glide

Lost in a trance, my heart is hers.

Long I have waited to be loss for words

This beauty, this woman, this angel with me

I hoped for this day, would one day be

Time to wake, my dream goes away

I go on hoping and start my day

My dream is still with me I take it I beam

Love has entered my world

Even if it was in a dream


Things not yet Happened,

Today i am sitting here thinking, wondering about what if’s and what happens next.How often do we think about what happens after the decision we just made? How m,any of us use our brains to actually think beyond our next thought? I think it is time we focus on what will happen next.

Cognitive thinking is the act of thinking beyond the next thought and the direct action as a result of that thought and the results of that decision and the result of that decision.

Now we cant always do this we just don’t have the time. But if we practice  this as often as we can it can and will spill over into normal everyday thought process. Soon we will see that we are making thoughtful meaningful decisions.

For some reason we as humans have become creachers  of right now. We have so little in our lives emotionally that we need instant gratification. We seem to focus on thing’s, not the real feeling of hope , love, or companionship.

So because we are devoid of emotional content and dept, we just grab on to the next thing that comes along. Now with that being said, What I am talking about is that we don’t think about the consequences of our thoughts, ans this has left us with an emotional void and a life filled with endless decision making.

I once told a friend to think and make good decisions. How you ask do we do that?  Well we really never know if what we decide will work out or will even  be a good idea, it goes through and all we see is the end result. So I said to my friend, try to not make a decision that will make you need to make other decisions to fix the one before it. I know it sound like a arduous  process.I know sometimes we don’t have the time to think about it , but we still need to practice this so when the time comes to make a decision in hast, we  at the very least have the future in mind.

We need to fill emotionally connected to feel full and to stop wanting for things that just occupy our immediate needs and are not fulfilling.These things we pine for just fill a hole and do not feed us emotionally.

All I can say 


 the rewards are worth it for peace…

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